I just heard something disturbing today. Yet another cast member of the Monk show has been impersonated on Facebook.

First, someone was posing as Emmy Clarke--setting up as a personal page what should obviously have been a fan page/group page. Strange that Emmy seemed to be struggling with ESL on Facebook. I always thought she was from the United States.

Today I learned that this time, someone impersonated Tony Shalhoub. This person was intentionally speaking as Tony, talking about filming Feed the Fish and acting, etc. This was done, as the story was related to me, in a much more deliberate and aggressive manner than was done on the bogus Emmy's Facebook page.

What is it about the internet that makes supposedly grown adults think they can act like complete shitheads? People do things on the internet they'd never dream of doing in real life and they say things to people they'd never dream of saying to another person face to face.

I can't get over the hypocrisy. "We love you!" "I'm your biggest fan!" "You're hot!" "The sun rises and sets on your smile!" "I never miss the show!" And then you go and do something like this.

That shows absolutely

This takes me back to another incident wherein Tami again caught all kinds of shit--this time when she took steps to have some of Ted Levine's personal family pictures taken off the internet. The two people found to have been posting those photos without any kind of permission are still harassing Tami. How the fuck can you have sites set up for these people, claiming to be fans of theirs, and then do stuff like this???

That shows absolutely

If you ask me, this kind of harassment is a form of stalking. I have no idea how any of these people put up with crazy, crack-pot fans. Tami had those pictures and that Emmy Clarke page taken down out of respect for these people whose privacy and basic rights you're all fucking with. Now what did all these people do? Raise a major shit over their own pictures appearing on the internet on sites they themselves posted their pictures on. What's good for the goose isn't good enough for you??? "Don't do to me what I do to others, dammit!"

I know what the problem is. These people doing this bullshit have absolutely

I have a flash bulletin for all of you: Tony Shalhoub, Ted Levine, and Emmy Clarke are all very real human beings. Impersonating them on websites and in chatrooms, and hijacking their personal family photos isn't funny and it isn't fun. When they're off the set, they're off the clock. Leave them the fuck alone. Do we not know how to set up fan pages on Facebook? Do we not know how to say, oh, by the way, this actor has nothing to do with this page? There are some lessons we all should have learned by the third grade.

That blind adoration thing is dangerous as shit. Love to see people post "Tony's a wonderful husband and a great father." That came up frequently. Lovely sentiment, but, um, how the hell do you know?

And it always seems to take people a long ass time to figure out that when people make unqualified statements like this, ass-kissing statements, those are always the people to cross the line with you. They're the first to stab you in the back. They're the first ones to turn on you.

So what happened to all these people posting this blind adoration crap on the USA Monk message board? Well, apparently, two of them are impersonating cast members on another site. That adoration doesn't go very far, does it? If it doesn't even go as far as respecting these people, it doesn't go far at all. No even from the front door to the end of the driveway. You know why it doesn't go far? Because it doesn't go deep.

I knew there was no respect when one poster posted the stalker's-eye view of Tony's house on that board. Crossing the line, big time. That should have been taken down immediately. Once again, the ever-invisible, ever-flaccid El-Admin taking absolutely no action and showing no interest. I can't believe that thread survived the first hour of posting.

I think I know what the problem is. We aren't even human. We're all bullshit. We're all just monkeys with cell phones.

Here's as far as my 'blind adoration' goes. Tony's my favorite living actor. I'd pay real money to watch a movie of him reading a phone book. I'm thoroughly dazzled by damn near everything he does on film and in TV. I think he's incredible. I also think he's easily the most attractive actor out there. Young, old, or sideways, he beats them all. There's no other actor I'd rather look at. Now, what are those two things? They are things I can see. I don't know this man at all. Not the least little bit.

You'll never catch me saying he's a wonderful husband. Brooke Adams is the only person on the planet who knows what kind of husband he is. You'll never catch me saying he's a great father. Sophie and Josie are the only people on the planet who know what kind of father he is. What kind of a crack-pot claims to know things they have absolutely no way of knowing? He may simply be an actor adept at keeping his name out of the tabloids and his dirt out of the street.

In the real world, he could have sex slaves chained to the radiators in his basement. He could be running sweat mills on child labor in third world countries. He could be clubbing baby seals during his show's hiatus. I have no fucking idea. I have no idea what goes on in that man's house. On planet earth, he's just a face on my TV screen.

I can watch his show and follow his career and try to see all his movies. I can even write him a letter or ask for an autograph. Beyond that, I can't knock on his door or call him on the phone or invite him to chinese buffet. We don't go fishing. He hasn't once hired me to clean his house, and I don't watch his kids for him when he's out with his wife. We don't swap recipes. And although I consider he owes me several rootbeers for all those fucking awards programs I watched just to see him get robbed by Alec Baldwin, I really don't have any sane reason to expect I'll actually get them. Get it? He's not a person in my bubble. Deflate it, people. You don't know the man.

And true to both form and legend, all these blind adoration idiots impinge on these actors' lives time and time again. If you really do love these actors, treat them like human beings. If you really do admire these people, stop treating them like public property, like their lives belong to you and everyone else 24 hours a day. Stop treating them like, no matter what you do to them, they need to not only accept it, but to swallow hard and smile. They're not toys. They're not doorstops, umbrella stands, or paperweights. They're human fucking beings. Enough of the psycho bullshit.

And if any of you (Tony, Ted, or Emmy) are googling yourselves, I have to say I really do admire all of you, but for real, I wouldn't trade places with a single one of you. Not to put up with bullshit like this. I have no idea how anyone puts up with this shit. I wouldn't trade places with any of you--not for a suitcase full of a money and a bag of dicks. No way. No fucking way.

It's not funny and it's not fun. They're human beings. What part of that don't you understand????