How to be a clueless, inconsiderate asshole:
First, leave what has all the appearances and earmarks of being a suicidal post on your facebook wall. No, really, do that. Something like, oh, I don't know, maybe "I've just had my heart broken for the last time. I'm through."
Then, disappear for almost 4 months.
Then, as people who know you send emails and PMs and try everything they can think of to get in touch with you, make sure you ignore them all. I mean, fuck them all, right? Yes do that. No matter how frantic they seem. Even if they try something as extreme as trying to call you on the phone.
I hope you're all taking notes. This is a classic textbook way to really fuck with people in a way that allows you to start out self-absorbed and then end it being self-absorbed. God-forbid you reply to just one of those emails to say "I'm still alive."
After those 4 months are up, go back into facebook and post on someone's notes from 3 months ago to piss and moan that you were misunderstood about something no one even cares about anymore. Post as though you were never gone.
When you're called on being a self-absorbed asshole who didn't give a shit about all the people who were worried you had killed yourself, go on a diatribe about how bad your life is and that you were "sparing others the gory details" of your life as it was in a tailspin.
How does telling just one person you didn't kill yourself expose anyone to the gory details of whatever was going on in your life? It doesn't. And there's your fucking head game.
I remember months and months and months ago, when there was still the Mandevilla message board and someone had told me Damien was known as a 'drama queen.' I didn't think that was a fair comment--he's been known to post his life's goings-on on message boards. I don't really see a problem with that. I know few people who don't do that. I don't think you bash someone for posting a comment on a message board, especially in threads designed for that, when something's bothering them. No, THIS waterhead stunt was fully drama-queenish.
I did realize something after all this garbage: There's only one guy on the planet with personal problems, and I did manage to find out who that is. Damien. He goes by 'Damien Mandeville' here on the internet. I knew someone was having a less than perfect life...I just never knew who that person was. Mystery solved. My life is perfect. Everyone I know has a perfect life. It's just this one guy.
What all this did was just reinforce what I already know about men to begin with--they are all (every single one, without exception) cold, heartless, and clueless. Dumb as Alabama dishwater.
I've had to make a major change in my own life because of it. They're all self-absorbed. Here's yet another one who doesn't give a rat's ass about anyone but himself. They don't see it, and they never admit it.
So 4 months later, what did everyone get? A convenient, self-serving argument that defies logic, ignores that one simple question: 'what does any of that have to do with telling someone you didn't kill yourself?' and an argument that, as a whole, follows the Kjees formula to a fucking 'T.'
That explains it all. Damien forgot to add the word "don't." Well then, let me just welcome you back and carry on as though nothing happened.
Was this the first time Damien pulled a vanishing act to wallow in self-pity and get everyone all upset and worried about him? No. Of course not. A head game is only fun if you can play the same game over and over and over again.
I can tell a multitude of people that I'm okay and didn't off myself without telling a single one of them the "gory details of my life." Here, watch me do it:
Hey, everyone! I'm not dead! Got something going on. Can't talk about it. I'll be back on later! Thanks for asking!
If you forget how to do that, no problem. Just copy that part appearing above and paste it into a file, then save it on your computer. Then, if you get confused later on, you can just copy/paste it into just one inquiring email. That one person will surely pass your message along to all the others who are fucking looking for you!
Now, was that so hard? Common sense rarely is. That's why it's supposed to be so common.
